Thursday, 22 November 2018

Building Confidence.

Posted by Unknown at 16:39 0 comments
Hello there! 2 posts in one day, this has literally never happened in the history of this blog! But there was just something I wanted to write about, mainly just as a little reference for me in the future.
Over the past few months I have found myself growing in confidence. I'm not really sure where it started, but it might have been after Newday (August 2018) because the 'youth leader' of the group I went with asked me if there's anything I want prayer with and I basically said that I'm scared to talk to people. This is slightly true, at the time of saying that I'd been thinking about how I find it hard to be vulnerable with people, I'm not sure why but it was on my mind for quite a while.
Then I started college again in September and I think even from the point of enrolment I was feeling more confident. I went alone to my enrolment, unlike the year before when I went with Mum. This time I knew my way around and I knew who I needed to speak to so I decided I could do it alone. That same day I also walked through town alone and did a bit of shopping too (in Primark which is very scary to go into alone!) which is something I'd never really done by myself before. Actually starting college was different too, because there was all new people to deal with, remember talking to people was the thing I was struggling with, and a new tutor too, who I thought I was going to hate, but actually I find that I am able to talk to him a lot easier than I could talk to my tutor last year. I've also started working more independently in the bakery. Last year I would get slightly annoyed at my partner because they wouldn't do the work sometimes, and I'm the type of person that just wants to get it done, so now that I work mostly independently I find myself enjoying it more.
I have also started working on and off for a couple of people. That's pretty scary to think that in August I was stood talking to this lady about how I don't like talking to people, to then being able to go to a brand new place alone (something I've barely done, especially with no worry dreams attached to the trip) and working with someone I'd never previously met. I can only Thank God for his work in me.
I've also posted a few videos online which is a bit weird to think about, that anyone can watch them. I haven't allowed anyone to share about them on social media yet though, but one day!
Something I noticed today too is that I have grown a lot in body confidence too. Maybe that just comes with maturing, but I used to really dislike some features of my body (My hips, legs etc.) but I have found myself not really noticing them recently. Either that or I've finally found some clothes that actually suit my body type. Today I went through my wardrobe and decided to actually keep some of the items of clothing I thought I would never wear again because I didn't like the shape of them or me. I actually smiled at myself in the mirror wearing clothes that weren't big and bulky, covering any curves I may have.

(Please excuse the filthy mirror)
I have always hated my hips for as long as I can remember, but over the summer I found myself reaching for clothes that didn't necessarily cover them. This top was one that I got a few years ago and wore maybe once but decided to never wear again because you could see too much hip, but as you can see in this photo, I am loving it now!

This skirt I got years ago in a 'Everthing's a Fiver' shop, when I was still in my EVERYTHING MUST BE PINK* stage. I haven't worn it in a really long time, but i thought it looked really cute with my top rolled up like this and my pink (again!) Docs.
*I'm pretty sure my pink stage can be explained by the fact that I hardly ever chose my own clothes, I just always got hand-me-downs, so when I did get to choose my own I wanted to prove that I was a girly-girl by buying pink clothing.

I know I probably won't feel this body confident all the time, but it feels good to feel good in clothes I never thought I would. I'm going to be 18 in 3 months (very weird) and I think a lot of this is probably just maturation but I also think it's good to document these things and stages of life. 

If I don't post again for a while then have a good life! xxx

PO10 Origin Story

Posted by Unknown at 15:54 0 comments
I know in my last post I said I'd probably write more but as you can see, I haven't. Almost 10 months have gone by and there's still been no posts! But I've decided to keep this really low pressure now, and just post when I feel the urge. I am aware that not many people read this, it's pretty much just me, but I don't mind that because I like looking back at some of the stuff on this blog, it's like an archive of some really random memories, and some really important ones.
So why am I writing now, you ask? Well, as per usual, it's pretty much just boredom, but also I feel like I want to write about a thing that we're starting as a family really soon. We're doing a Youtube channel, starting December 1st and it's going to be called Party of 10. Over the past few years multiple people have stated how funny it would be to watch our family and we've always joked about having hidden cameras around the house and stuff but I don't think we ever really thought about actually doing something like that. That was until I started thinking properly about doing a channel. At first I was thinking it was mainly going to be me, with a few vlogs here and there featuring my family, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised that my family is one of the most important things to me, and I believe that we have something really awesome that could be shared with the world. So, with the help of one of my friends, I came up with some ideas on how to make this a family thing, and then, I told my family. (I literally made them a PowerPoint, because I'm not very good at confronting people with things) I was really surprised with the response, I was expecting most of them to be a bit sceptical, but they were actually all really positive about it and up for it. Then we started thinking about our first video and content, which was a bit weird for me because this was something that I actually never expected to happen. My mind was whirring with ideas, we were thinking of names (Some of which were truly awful), and then I decided that we should do Vlogmas because that would give us a chance to get some content out there on a schedule that won't be our usual one, but it gives us a chance to work out which days work well for uploading videos and which don't, and there's plenty of Christmas themed videos to make (all of which I am VERY excited to make obviously!). I decided we wouldn't do the whole 24 days, as December is already a hectic month for us without having to film, edit and upload everyday, but I thought 12 would be more doable. This leaves us room to do some fun family videos, but also some individual ones too if people want to do them. It's almost December now, and there haven't been loads of individual people ideas, so it might be that we just do a family video once a week. I think we'll just see how the first week goes. Anyway I'm really excited about this, I think it's going to be a lot of fun, and a cool way to document some stuff that happens in our family.

I may or may not write soon, but until then, have a great life! xx

Friday, 16 February 2018

It's been a while...

Posted by Unknown at 14:13 0 comments
...6 months to be exact. That may be the longest time I have taken away from this blog, but don't quote me on that! This time I (sort of) have a reason. Basically, I've had no motivation, I mean my only motivation at this current moment is procrastination (I mean who does want to write about pre-mixes!?) and the fact that my sisters are away so I'm really bored. I was getting bored of writing the same things on here and it was making me unhappy with what I was producing. The last post I wrote was just after Newday and I was in a post-camp mope so was feeling unhappy already and writing that post and being so unimpressed by it made me not want to write for a while, so I took a break. In that break a lot has happened, a lot of stuff that I probably should have documented, like starting at college, Joel leaving, our first Christmas without Mum and Grandma passing away. So much has happened and I don't think I've really paused to notice that, I think I'm only just realising it now while I'm writing this. I mean, just the end of the summer alone was packed with so many things, like making so many new friends at Cefn Lea and then reuniting with them at the Gathering. Life has gotten so much smoother here in Liverpool after living here for a year, I mean I think I actually know my way around town now! So my plan now is to start writing on here again, hopefully monthly again, because even if nobody else read it, at least I'm documenting my history, the precious moments in my life that I may not even realise are happening. I'm going to try and be more real, add more depth to what I'm writing, instead of just explaining a picture, but for now, here are some things that you will have missed from the months that we've been apart.

We had our first family without all of us there, which was very weird but it was really fun too, I felt very soppy when looking over the photos just now.

We were joined by Jake though when we drove down to Wales for a week away at Cefn Lea where we had loads of fun doing things like lazer tag, and singing praises on a hilltop tennis court. We made so many new friends for life. 

I started college here in Liverpool. I was really scared that I wasn't going to make any friends because I always seem to have ready-made friends, but by the second day I'd pretty much been chosen to be part of a friendship group, and even as that has changed and morphed since then, I still have some good friends which I am so thankful for.

Our lovely Grandma had her last birthday here with us, her and Granny came over and we celebrated together.
Joel left us to go to Yeovil for a worship internship at the Elim church there. He's currently going on tour with their band, Southville after the release of their first album Freedom's Tree. He's going back and forth around the country, playing in the band. I believe he's hoping to stay there permanently after this year which would be really cool for him but a bit sad for us because he'll be the first one to leave us. How weird!
October is always a bit of a slow month. It was Joel's birthday but we didn't get to celebrate it with him because of him being in Yeovil and everything, but we did get to see him at The Gathering, where we got to meet up with a lot of our old friends. There was silent disco, which was really fun and I got to experience my first face glitter and I felt like a mermaid. I would totally be up for living like that permanently! 

Apart from the most annoying bus strikes ever, Ellie's birthday, and lots of college, not a lot happened in November. Well, except me getting excited for Christmas obviously! 

December was a weird month in 2017 because Mum wasn't around for a lot of it because she had to be back and forth to Crewe a lot more than usual to care for Grandma. Every moment we had with Mum was precious, especially as it was so hard on her so we wanted to make it feel as special as possible when she was home, so we played games and put up the tree when she was home because that's always her (and my!) job at Christmas. A couple of weeks before Christmas we headed down to Grandma's flat in Crewe to spend a mini Christmas with her, and for us kids, say our final goodbyes. It was really good to spend that time with her and I'm glad for that last event in her life for her to join with us.
 It also felt really weird because I finished college so close to Christmas. Most people are probably used that, but not me, I love having a week before Christmas to do baking and get ready for all the festivities, but instead I had to still go to college and do work (ugh! 😂) 
Us girls all got our hair chopped! I'd been getting irritated with my long hair for a long time, so I grabbed a chance I had when Mum was home and asked her to cut it. I loved it then, and I love it now! It is so nice to have manageable hair! 

I made my first proper cake for someone! By that I mean a cake that I didn't make for college that someone has actually requested me to make. I was kind of bricking it because she'd asked me for quite a difficult design, but I gave it my best and was pretty proud of the end result. I hope it tasted good!

When Joel left he told us that he wasn't going to be back for Christmas, which we were all mad about because, who doesn't want all their family back at Christmas? So months I'd been complaining at him, and sending him messages about how mad I was that he wasn't coming home. But while I was in the middle of making this cake our Grandparents arrive and Stitch comes into the kitchen saying that Joel is back. The girls and I just look at each other, not sure whether to believe him or not. It takes us a couple of seconds to go out to the hall and actually check, that he was, in fact there. You should know that my first words to my brother were "YOU BIG CHEAT!" It was a great suprise, one that he would not have been able to pull of if he was actually face to face with us because he's a terrible liar. 

We continued Christmas with our usual festivities. Mum spent Christmas day at Grandma's because they knew that she wasn't going to last much longer. She wasn't alone though because Granny was there with her, and her cousin and his dad. They had a mini Christmas together and then when we opened presents we Skyped mum so that she could join in with us. On Boxing day we traveled down to Hinckley to celebrate with our aunts, uncles, cousins and Grandparents. It was a day filled with fun, games and food as usual. That evening though we found out that Grandma had sadly passed that day. It was hard but we know that God has her now, she's no longer in pain, and she's dancing in heaven.
January brought the start of a new year but at the beginning it didn't really feel like a new start. For most of it Mum was sorting out Grandma's stuff so she was still away for the weekends. I was back at college where we made a lot (I mean a lot) of pastry! In reality, it just felt like a normal month. We had a Passover meal at church (I know, really early, but we had a guest speaker so you take the chance you get right?) and got back into the swing of things again.

February so far:
The days are getting brighter (even if it's still deciding to snow occasionally) and there are flowers budding here and there and I feel like we're coming out of our winter rut. I turned 17 last week which is slightly scary for me, especially as my best friend that I have known since we were 2 is buying herself a car and is beginning to learn to drive. I feel so old! 

We went to go and see Rend Collective on the 4th and they were so good, but my word was it hot in there! If you've ever been into the O2 Academy in Liverpool you'll know that it's basically a brick box and with that many people in it with air con that was apparently there but was very ineffective. It was an incredible night, and honestly if you haven't heard these guys you so should. On one of the songs the woman was playing the accordion and the xylophone at the same time, I was very impressed. I'm lying to you about the heat though, on the bands Instagram after the first week of their tour, they posted this, "And thanks for dancing so hard that sweat dropped from the ceiling of the O2 in was pretty gross but also kind of impressive!"

For my birthday, me and Mum went shopping which was really good, it meant me and Mum could have some "grown up girl bonding time" (name that movie!) and I could buy some much needed clothing!

I leave you with my 3 new favourite outfits! Happy 2018, and thank you for reading. See you next month!

Tuesday, 8 August 2017

My First Newday

Posted by Unknown at 14:33 0 comments
On Sunday I came home from spending a week camping in Norfolk with a great group of people and enjoying the presence of God.

Newday is basically this massive youth camp that is made up of different youth groups, which are mainly Newfrontiers churches. You can check out the website here.

These are the crazy people I spent the week with. They're a great bunch and we ended up being as close as family after many midnight chats, and even a spontaneous midnight communion! I miss them so much already.

We made a little grasshopper friend called Greg.

The evening meetings were all incredible and God was speaking through all of the men and women who came to speak. Fortunately for us, we can listen to them again and again on Newday's Soundcloud! Francis Chan was definitely a favourite because I was really looking forward to hearing him and he's so humble about all that he does. It really was an incredible night and I would recommend you listen to that on their Soundcloud, it may blow your mind!

Over all it was an incredible week and I'm currently in post-camp moping mode because I'm over tired and really don't want to be home! So much more happened than I can possibly say in this blog, especially as it all just seems like one day but I am so glad I went and cannot wait for next year!

July Update 2017

Posted by Unknown at 13:37 0 comments
Hey guys, sorry this is so late but the end of July was pretty busy for me so I didn't get to write this. Here it is now though, the rundown of my month.

The month pretty much started with a BBQ with the different churches around Liverpool, which was great fun. I only really got a picture of this cute caterpillar though.

I spent a couple of days pretty much just watercolouring, which I hadn't really done much of before, but I love it now.

With Summer brings facepaint! This was a thing in the park, but also at the end of the month I spent a couple of days doing facepainting on the street near our house as part of JesusLoves, which is a week of outreach to the areas in Liverpool (They may do it elsewhere in Britian, but I'm not sure). It was an incredible week and DD even got baptised!!

We took a trip to Everton for a bit of a walk and to look out over the city. It was a great view.

Another one of my favourite views is from the roof of Central Library, which is one of my favourite places in Liverpool.

We had the great opportunity to go to a weekend conference run by CMJ (Christian Mission to the Jews) It was a great weekend and we made some new friends which is always awesome!!  

Then, I spent the last couple of days of July getting ready for Newday, which I will write all about in a post very soon, so keep your eyes peeled!
I hope you enjoyed your month as much as I did, and have a great August!

Sunday, 16 July 2017

Book Review: My Heart and Other Black Holes

Posted by Unknown at 13:40 0 comments

Plot: Physics nerd Aysel and popular, handsome Roman are practically strangers, but they've been drawn into an unthinkable partnership. In one months time, they plan to commit suicide - together.
With the deadline getting closer, something starts to grow between them - a feeling Aysel never thought she would experience. It seems there might be something to live for after all - but is Aysel in so deep she can't turn back?

Quote: "Sometimes I wonder if my heart is like a black hole - it's so dense that there's no room for light, but that doesn't mean it can't still suck me in."

My thoughts: When I first picked this up off the library shelf I laughed at myself because I always pick up really depressing books and I wasn't sure if I was going to like this one. Boy was I wrong! The characters and descriptions in this book are so intriguing and they made me want to go to Kentucky and fix everything for them. I didn't want to put it down.

Should you read it? Yes, you should, it's an incredible book and raises awareness to these problems that need to be noticed. 

Thank you for reading, and I hope that if you decide to read this that you'll enjoy it as much as I did. 

Tuesday, 4 July 2017

What my last year in Nantwich meant for me.

Posted by Unknown at 09:51 0 comments
When I first started college in Nantwich I wondered whether it would be worth all the endless train journeys and travelling seeing as I wasn't even going to be getting any qualifications out of it but I'm so glad I stuck through it as I learnt from it.

  • I became a lot more confident. Before starting college I kind of just had friends. That probably doesn't make sense, but most of my friends were Christians and we just kind of became friends automatically. Throughout this year though I have met all sorts of people that I'd never really encountered before and I've been able to push myself to make friends. I think if I'd just started college in Liverpool I would've found it a lot harder because it's a completely different environment.
  • I came to see why it was good for us to leave. When it was first announced we were leaving, I didn't get it. I understood it for my family but not for me, but I've come to see that there were things in Nantwich that I needed to step away from and things that I needed to see in Liverpool.
  • I've started to worry less. I used to worry about almost everything but this year has taught me to relax and take life as it comes as worrying can't change anything. I still have mini panics every now and again but it's not as much as I used to.
There are probably many more things that I haven't come to notice yet but it has been a good year. Hard at times, to see why it was worth it, but I see now that it was and I thank God for the opportunity I had. Now I'm looking forward to learning a lot more in Liverpool about me, about the world around me and about God and what his plan is for me. Thank you all for reading, I hope you've enjoyed journeying with me a little through this year although I haven't written loads. Here's to a great summer! 

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