Thursday, 22 November 2018

Building Confidence.

Posted by Abbie at 16:39
Hello there! 2 posts in one day, this has literally never happened in the history of this blog! But there was just something I wanted to write about, mainly just as a little reference for me in the future.
Over the past few months I have found myself growing in confidence. I'm not really sure where it started, but it might have been after Newday (August 2018) because the 'youth leader' of the group I went with asked me if there's anything I want prayer with and I basically said that I'm scared to talk to people. This is slightly true, at the time of saying that I'd been thinking about how I find it hard to be vulnerable with people, I'm not sure why but it was on my mind for quite a while.
Then I started college again in September and I think even from the point of enrolment I was feeling more confident. I went alone to my enrolment, unlike the year before when I went with Mum. This time I knew my way around and I knew who I needed to speak to so I decided I could do it alone. That same day I also walked through town alone and did a bit of shopping too (in Primark which is very scary to go into alone!) which is something I'd never really done by myself before. Actually starting college was different too, because there was all new people to deal with, remember talking to people was the thing I was struggling with, and a new tutor too, who I thought I was going to hate, but actually I find that I am able to talk to him a lot easier than I could talk to my tutor last year. I've also started working more independently in the bakery. Last year I would get slightly annoyed at my partner because they wouldn't do the work sometimes, and I'm the type of person that just wants to get it done, so now that I work mostly independently I find myself enjoying it more.
I have also started working on and off for a couple of people. That's pretty scary to think that in August I was stood talking to this lady about how I don't like talking to people, to then being able to go to a brand new place alone (something I've barely done, especially with no worry dreams attached to the trip) and working with someone I'd never previously met. I can only Thank God for his work in me.
I've also posted a few videos online which is a bit weird to think about, that anyone can watch them. I haven't allowed anyone to share about them on social media yet though, but one day!
Something I noticed today too is that I have grown a lot in body confidence too. Maybe that just comes with maturing, but I used to really dislike some features of my body (My hips, legs etc.) but I have found myself not really noticing them recently. Either that or I've finally found some clothes that actually suit my body type. Today I went through my wardrobe and decided to actually keep some of the items of clothing I thought I would never wear again because I didn't like the shape of them or me. I actually smiled at myself in the mirror wearing clothes that weren't big and bulky, covering any curves I may have.

(Please excuse the filthy mirror)
I have always hated my hips for as long as I can remember, but over the summer I found myself reaching for clothes that didn't necessarily cover them. This top was one that I got a few years ago and wore maybe once but decided to never wear again because you could see too much hip, but as you can see in this photo, I am loving it now!

This skirt I got years ago in a 'Everthing's a Fiver' shop, when I was still in my EVERYTHING MUST BE PINK* stage. I haven't worn it in a really long time, but i thought it looked really cute with my top rolled up like this and my pink (again!) Docs.
*I'm pretty sure my pink stage can be explained by the fact that I hardly ever chose my own clothes, I just always got hand-me-downs, so when I did get to choose my own I wanted to prove that I was a girly-girl by buying pink clothing.

I know I probably won't feel this body confident all the time, but it feels good to feel good in clothes I never thought I would. I'm going to be 18 in 3 months (very weird) and I think a lot of this is probably just maturation but I also think it's good to document these things and stages of life. 

If I don't post again for a while then have a good life! xxx

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